I'm not sure what has changed us as people. Maybe it was the earlier focus on self-esteem, making sure that everyone played, that no scores were kept, that no one ever lost. I think somewhere along that path was a hidden message to parents and children.
"No one is more important than you or your children".
We might not have been smart enough to realize the ramifications of that message but if you look around you can see the results.
This week I went to a professional basketball game in Salt Lake City. Behind and above me sat a family - three generations ranging in age from the late 60's to grade school children. The children put their feet on the back of our seats and screamed constantly and the parents and grandparents did not correct them, not once.
Whenever the referee made a call that the oldest boy disagreed with, he would shout out, "bullshit, bullshit.."
The first time it happened I turned and looked at the father who leaned down into my face and exclaimed, "It was a bullshit call."
The son, no more than 10, then yelled at me, "Get over it, this isn't Los Angeles."
I wasn't confused about my location actually. But I was confused by the lack of discipline by the parents and the grandparents. The parents refused to correct their children and it was clear that the pattern had begun with the grandparents who sat silent in tacit approval of the behavior and lack of correction.
This isn't a singular incident. I've been to restaurants where children have been allowed to run free and pick up food off of my table; I've been to movies where children scream and cry (and they are romantic movies) and I've been to malls where children are running free pulling clothing and food from the shelves.
These are children of every race and ethnicity, of every economic background, in every city in the United States.
When did we get to a point as a culture that we decided it was wrong to teach our children respect, courtesy and restraint?
What will it take for us to realize that these children will not be successful in tomorrow's world, they will not excel or perform at a level sure to bring them success.
We all need to step back and perform better as parents so our children will perform better as human beings.
Performance begins in the home. It begins with the expectations we have of our children, of the parameters we set and with the discipline we provide against those parameters. Performance is directly and irrevocably tied to expectations.
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